Resurrected

It's time. Not because the clock says so, but because my spirit is want to speak. So it's time to resurrect this blog and speak, without much edit, what is on my heart and in my mind. Perhaps no one will ever read these words, but I'm writing for an audience of One anyway. Prayer journal. Heart lament. Lately, I've used my Facebook status to sometimes express what is going on inside...but the canvas is too small, too limited. And after all, the audience I seek is everywhere, not just there.

Most mornings I sit looking outside my windows into the "back back" as we call it...because it's the area behind the back yard. Long story, and not for this writing. From this vantage point, I can see every season unfold and die. I can see an expanse that is topped with sky, but I don't see the ground. And I've just been pondering what life would be like if I viewed it this way...seeing from a different point of view...top down. When I look only at the ground, I run into things, I miss things, and I become short sighted. But if I look up, I might trip or misstep. Is it so important for me to make sure I don't fall, that I miss something beautiful? Something spectacular? Something life changing?

Perhaps all this time of looking down and trying to control my steps has just caused me to resist change, resist embracing what is actually WAITING for me. I once stated that if I was high above the trees looking down, there would be so much more than me to see. The bird trying to eat the worm doesn't see the beautiful day God has painted for it to fly about in so freely. It doesn't realize there are so many worms that it can take time to enjoy the sky.

Identity. What defines me? What defines you? As we go through life and things change, kids grow up, parents pass, jobs come and go...what is at the core of who I am? Well, the harsh truth is that for me and so many others, all the things that constantly change around us are defining who we are. We are not being defined by the One who never changes. We say we are. But we are not. Instead, we are like "shifting sand"...going where the wind blows us.

Who am I created to be? As I'm preparing to turn 49 this is a question heavy on my heart. I have a lot of life left, and I want to live it fully without regrets. I want to be free from fear, willing to step into the places God has prepared for me in advance. I don't think I'll get there if I'm just looking at the ground, managing my steps. My gaze needs to shift and I need to walk by faith, not really knowing exactly where my foot will step next.

I need to leave some things behind. I need to close some doors. I need to walk into some open doors into places that I can't yet fully see. I need to trust the One who raised Jesus from the grave to resurrect this body, mind and spirit into an awakening of destiny.

Blood stained

Blood. Just the mention of the word causes reaction. Some of us think "oh gross" as we envision someone bleeding. Maybe you're squeamish, like me, especially when it's someone else's blood. Maybe you have a grateful yet troubled heart, because you had to receive a blood transfusion at some point in your life, and you don't know whose blood it was or if it was "good"...like I did after the birth of my first child. Or maybe you remember a favorite shirt or other piece of clothing that was ruined because of a blood stain...like me. When my oldest son was 2, he fell and bashed his face on our front porch, causing me to scoop him up and rush him to the hospital. Of course, I was covered in his blood and one of my favorite shirts was no more.

But in a recent Sunday service, we were singing the old hymn "Nothing but the Blood." There is a line in this hymn that stayed with me...Oh precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow. That is, of course, an oxymoron unless you believe it. Blood stains things. Blood is a symbol of wounding, hurt and death. It's red, dark, and warm. There is nothing white about it. We go to the store to buy special cleaning products to remove "stubborn stains like blood." We don't want to see blood. How many of you turn away or cover your eyes when watching a show or movie with a particularly realistic scene? My hand is raised.

But this simple line of the song declares that it is blood that makes me white...white as snow. Fresh snow is blindingly white and clean. The blood shed by Jesus Christ flowed, and instead of being stained, I am made clean - like freshly fallen snow. The blood itself is the purifier. It is the remedy for all the other stains our lives will ever bear. It is the answer for all the questions we will ever have. It's not sold in stores, and you can't buy it online or at ebay. It's a free gift.That is what makes it precious. If we just accept it, we will not be stained - we will be free.

What are You Wearing Today?

Sometimes the simplest idea can be, well, profound. Our church is in the midst of a series called "Simple Summer" where each week we hear a different message about the simplicity of living out our faith. In fact, the very concept of faith in God, through Jesus, is so simple that many people just can't grasp it. Simple worship is just that - adoring and praising the Creator and recognizing His sovereignty in our lives on a daily basis. So what does that have to do with clothes?

The Apostle Paul wrote most of the New Testament, and his many letters to the different churches are chock full of wisdom...like what to wear. In Colossians 3, he basically says "clothe yourself in the fruit of the Spirit." Now, if my mind is feeling lofty and esoteric, I can envision this as a totally spiritual concept that must take many hours of contemplation to figure out exactly what it means to clothe myself in kindness, forgiveness, mercy and love. But I recently saw a message by Jud Wilhite that reduced this to a simple concept even a preschooler can understand. That is...what are you wearing today?

Most of us want to look good when we are out in public or going to work, right? How many of you have asked a spouse or friend "does this look okay?" about your outfit. Of course you have. Sometimes you get the gentle nod to make a wardrobe correction. Maybe some of you (ladies) are chronic clothes changers - trying on many combinations until the right one is found. So you've got this picture of how we plan, coordinate and choose our clothes each day, for each occasion. As concerned as we can be about this outward appearance, are we choosing how we clothe our mind and heart in the same way? Are we wearing rage, greed, envy, and unforgiveness as we go to our jobs or run our household? Or, are you grabbing that shawl of kindness and that jacket of mercy? Are you more concerned about today's fashion, or do you want to wear God's timeless fashion?

It's all a question of our focus - it's really that simple. Are we focusing on ourselves, or on others? On "me" or on the One who created me? There is simplicity and freedom in choosing the virtues Paul talks about because in choosing kindness, love, mercy and forgiveness we are ultimately choosing to trust in God's great sovereign power to take care of business; this leaves us free to love one another. It's as simple as, well, what are you gonna wear today?

Beautiful Thorns

I am in the middle of the yard project from ... well you know where. It's not actually our yard, but the woods behind our yard, affectionately known as our "lot." Last year, we had the "green wall" which mostly consisted of thorny masses and life size vines of what I'm sure was something poisonous, all to camouflage the myriad snakes, spiders and other creepy crawly things. I hate things that crawl, so I was quite comfortable having them hidden. By this time last year, you could not walk through, see through, or otherwise discern anything save for the tops of trees that we knew were surely back there...just hidden. There were tons of birds that we could hear...not many we could see. It was beautiful, from a distance. We referred to it as our virtual aviary (because we really couldn't see the birds). Lush, green, vivid. The problem is, it was really weeds, thorns, and all manner of undesireable brush. Completely unattended. For years. And now it was ours.

So this spring as the green world was peeping out from what had to be the mildest winter on record, we decided to take action. Of course, many trips to Home Depot later, we now own more hand tools than I ever wanted and are about to embark on the "chain saw" purchase. Our lot consists of piles of brush, sticks, vines, thorns and debris as proof of our labor. It is a consuming project - it consumes our time, our strength, our nerves and our patience. It seems like it will never end; every time we start, it is difficult to stop because this vine leads to that bush, which leads to this tree, and so on. But at the end of each day's work, as we stand back and survey our accomplishments, something inspiring takes place. We see beauty. A tree here; a path there; deer grazing at dusk; bright blue birds flitting from branch to branch, calling to each other. And standing there drenched in sweat, covered head to toe with bugs and dirt, pricked by thorns that went through gloves and shoes, barely able to shade our eyes from the sun due to fatigue and sore muscles...it all seems worth it.

As we labor through this project, I see God's Hand at work in my life in much the same way. My heart has thorns and weeds that have grown up around it. There are places that are walled in by a thick mass of hurt, disappointment, jealously and greed. Just as thorns and weeds can choke out a plant's life and deprive it of necessary sunlight and nourishment, so these things do to my heart. I can't "will" them away...they have deep roots and require pruning, cutting, and breaking. Sometimes weeds come out easy, especially after a rain. Other times, they resist and threaten to pull the tree down as well. But strong trees with deep roots hang on; they don't die. They might lose a branch in the struggle, but they are ultimately stronger for it; you see, once the weeds and thorns are removed, the tree is free to receive ample sunlight and water so it can fluorish to an even greater height.

My heart will survive whatever pruning God does. Though it is painful and I might give up a branch or two, it will be worth it because beauty will be revealed from behind and beneath these thorns. And just like my woods, I will be free to soak in the Son and drink the living water.

I don't know how long our project will last...I suspect it will last just long enough. And when it is complete, something else will be complete as well in me.

The Great Exchange

You can't get something for nothing.

You get what you pay for.

You can't always get what you want.

Anything worth having is worth working for.

These are expressions that we have learned growing up, and they convey a basic message inherent to our human condition - it's all about me, and what I can get or have. These sayings don't speak about relationship - they speak about ownership and possession. Ever seen the bumper sticker "He who dies with the most toys wins?" We are a consumer-driven people - never satisfied. Why else would companies like Microsoft, Apple, Nintendo, Sony and the likes continue to put out the latest and greatest version or product? Why else would there be such fervor and anticipation at the Christmas season for the next game system, or the latest version of Halo or Guitar Hero? We want, and we want, and in the end...we are never satisfied. Never. Ever.

It takes more than stuff to give us peace and rest in the deepest part of our being. It takes more than a career, a house, a car, a vacation, a website, a blog, a church, a title, and the list goes on. If those things really did satisfy, we could "stop." Stop buying. Stop pursuing. Stop lusting. Stop wanting. Consumerism is like a drug, and many of us are addicted and don't know how to break the cycle.

As I sit here typing this blog on our new computer, my consumerism stares me in the face. My love for writing and receiving letters has been replaced by blogging. I am writing this as much for myself as for others. Humans, unlike animals, have depth of language and expression that is only limited by our desire to communicate and have relationship. But....our stuff gets in the way, doesn't it? There's no need to communicate and relate if we have our laptop, cell phone, HD TV and satellite hookup, high speed internet, WiFi cafe, Bluetooth, Jawbone, XM Radio, Iphone, Ipod....and the list goes on. We trick ourselves into believing all this stuff helps us communicate - but we're missing the face-to-face. We're shortcutting. We're using abbreviations and slang and emoticons, when really we should be sitting across a table having a cup of coffee.

In our quest for better, faster, smaller technology, we have devalued the one thing that should matter most - people. We leave voicemails, text messages, and send emails. We don't have to talk - our machines do it for us. In the old days, a boss would have his secretary "take a letter." He had to communicate to her (yes, that's how it was), and she then prepared the communication to the ultimate recipient. It involved people, people...does anyone out there hear me?

Have you ever taken an "unplugged" vacation or retreat? It's a fascinating experience because, guess what...we can all live and survive, even thrive, without our technology right at our fingertips. We can find out just how lonely and depraved we are inside. And if we do this with others, we can actually find so many other ways to "be". All of a sudden, people begin interacting, talking, laughing, sharing, and our hearts and souls are so, so grateful for the human connection.

There's another level to this rest our souls seek out, one that goes beyond the connection with other people. Getting back to my sayings at the beginning...you CAN get something for nothing. The Great Exchange is all about trading in our junk for something everlasting. Taking our broken dreams, dashed hopes, hate, anger and other emotional baggage and giving them to a Creator who offers peace, hope, forgiveness, and everlasting life. God says "come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." We have to come. We have to let go of our junk. And he in turns gives us what we can't get, buy or achieve on our own. It goes deep into our soul - that part of us that is unexplainable via science, medicine, physics or logic. It is our compass that points true north - to the God of heaven and earth. It is not satisfied until we have opened our clenched fist and let the sand of our disappointment and hurt slip through...only then can our hand be filled with grace and mercy. It warms us to the core and satisfies our deepest longing - to be truly connected and loved unconditionally. It is a great exchange. It cannot be done on a cell phone, over the internet, in a voice mail, or even in a blog. It is a personal invitation and encounter with the living God. Won't you come?

You Should Be on Iron Chef

So my family enjoys a passion for cooking and good food, and me and my son in particular like to watch others cook, which equates to thorough enjoyment of the Food Network. Of course, my passion for cooking goes way back...before cable TV...when there were "real" cooking shows on PBS (i.e., no Bam, glam, glitz or plunging necklines:))

But I digress. So last night, as we are watching a recent episode of Iron Chef, my son looks at me and says, "Mom, you should be on Iron Chef because you are a great cook." Of course, being the insecure person that I am, I feigned thankfulness and backed it up immediately with, "well I don't think I could work under all that pressure, not knowing what the secret ingredient is."

Now my son is 13, so he is blessed with a world view still somewhat encompassed by safety, security and being provided for...in other words, he doesn't see limitations the way I, and many adults, do. He saw the basic truth...that his mom is a wonderful cook, and therefore, deserves a place on a world renowned show! He has really never known a bad meal at my hands. He has always had plenty, and he has seen creativity in the kitchen as I often don't cook with recipes. As far as he is concerned, I am the Queen of the Kitchen, and he has no reason to doubt my total success. He has absolute faith in me.

So what does this have to do with anything? Everything, if faith is part of our lives. Faith is believing in something we can't see. It is total abandon and trust, and it is absolutely necessary as we walk out our lives each day. Faith means we don't give up when things get hard, because we believe Christ is right there with us and carrying us, even if it's just one more step. Faith is believing that if we can give good gifts to our children, even though we are sinful, then God can give infinitely more to us as our perfect Father in heaven. Like a good meal that I give my son every day, my Father in heaven has wonderful food for me each day, in His word - the Bible. Has it ever let me down? Not so I can remember. Does He provide that perfect, comfort "food" when I'm feeling low or blue? Absolutely. When I'm rejoicing, there's a feast waiting for me...right there in His word. I don't ever need to fear going hungry. I have no reason to doubt my God.

So why is that absolute and abiding faith so hard? Well, oftentimes our life is under pressure. There are time pressures, money pressures, relationship pressures - and it's constant, every day. We carry the pressure of "doing the thing we don't want, instead of doing the thing we want" as Paul says. But....in this life, we can have faith if we KNOW the secret ingredient. Christ in us. That's it. With Christ, all things are possible. With Christ, we can know peace unlike the world offers, we can experience unconditional love, we can partake of divine fellowship with Him through prayer and worship.

So, while I might doubt my ability to succeed in Kitchen Stadium, I can know without a doubt that in the stadium of life, as long as I carry that secret ingredient, Christ, in my heart and mind - the pressure does not have to overtake me. I can create marvelous and wonderful "dishes" with my life as I put my faith in God to work in me...and I can be victorious.

Mr. Incredible and Angels

Ever had one of those days where something happens and you're not really sure how to process the event, let alone make any sense out of it? It's a "near miss" kind of day...you just know there has to be a supernatural explanation.

We were at a friend's home last week enjoying some of the best chowder I've ever had and some really good company. The home was warm, inviting, and buzzing with the sound of friendship. We needed to leave so we went out to our car. I got in, but my husband was standing on the driver's side looking puzzled. He asked me to come and look at something, and there it was. A huge tree limb on the ground, stretching beyond the length of the car, almost preventing him from opening the door. We both looked at each other as the realization of the situation came to us - the limb had fallen while we were inside. There were a couple of scratches, then we found a few dents. My husband went inside to get our host so he could show him what happened and discuss the situation. As they came outside, eventually the entire housefull of people followed. As we all stood looking at the car, suddenly our host looked at the REAR of the car - the bumper was cracked in two pieces and there was even more damage...because there was an even larger section of the tree on the ground. Now people, I'm not talking about a little branch. I'm talking about an entire top section of a very tall oak tree. These limbs were of the crushing variety. As everyone oohed and aahed in bewilderment, we decided we would both call our insurance companies in the morning and go from there. We drove away.

It wasn't until the next morning, when talking to my insurance company, that I realized how blessed we were. "Was anyone hurt?" was the first question the agent asked. No, no one was in the car. "Was there any glass damage?" No. "Is the car driveable?" Well, yes.

The sections of tree that fell could have, and should have, crushed our car. Their position on the ground was nothing short of miraculous - as if they had been pushed aside from the car at the last minute. We could have been in the car. We could have been standing right there. Kids could have been playing in that section of the yard. None of this was the case, though. You see, I serve a very big God, and He has given His angels charge over me and my family, and I choose to believe His angels were hard at work that day.

My story doesn't end there. After talking to the insurance company, we determined that every dollar of the repair is covered. Every penny. Even if we need a rental car during the repair time. It's not because we have great insurance. It's because we have God's favor in this moment.

Most of us are familiar with the movie "The Incredibles." It's a fantastic story and wonderful entertainment. But in my world, the real world I live in every day, I know there really is a "Mr. Incredible." His name is Jesus. And He can do anything.