For the last few days, I've been hearing a simple song over and over in my head.
Thank you God for saving my soul
Thank you God for making me whole
Thank you God for giving to me
Thy great salvation so rich and free.
It doesn't have a lot of punch, especially if you're under 30. It's a song from an older generation. It speaks of a gift that transforms.
I don't know why that song has resonated in my head. I've got a lot of other music to listen to - any of you who know me know that I don't lack for input. But this simple, yet complex, song has just not let go of me.
Today, on my way to church, I kept thinking about the word "authentic." What does that mean to me? Am I an authentic person? Am I an authentic Christian? If you were to look this word up in the dictionary, you would find a myriad of information. But it boils down to this: not false or imitation; being actually or exactly what is claimed. And it struck me to wonder if I am authentic in the way I live my life.
Only those really close to me (my immediate family) know that I am a good immitator...or impersonator. I have always been able to do voices or mannerisms. It was actually something I would use to hide my insecurity, but it just didn't seem to "fit" as I went through high school - no one wanted to be friends with the girl who was a comedienne. Anyway, I have a knack for it. It made me ask the question: am I imitating what I know is the "act" to be a Christian? I mean, I know what words to say, what inflections to put in my voice, how to sound spiritual. I am deeply challenged by this question of authenticity.
For those of you a bit younger than me, let's talk about Photoshop. You snap a picture and put in on your computer. Then you Photoshop it. It's not the same picture, but an "imitation" of what you really wanted it to look like - you just couldn't get it to look that way on your own. You added some things, or took away some things. You had to manipulate it, and in the process you created something else that does not really exist. Your result is not authentic. So I'm asking the question "am I Photoshopping Christ into my life?" Is it just a layer I've added, or am I the real deal? Am I authentic?
Then I come to the place of worship. This is a place where I am fully convinced the authentic is revealed. You see, it is not in the popular songs, or the loud songs, or the produced-for-radio songs that we become authentic. It is in the simple songs that haven't much pomp or circumstance as to be anything but a melody where our authenticity shines. It is in the songs we sing when no one is looking or listening. I don't cry during worship because I am imitating something. I cry because God's very spirit touches me and I am changed. I know I am connecting with my Maker - the One who knows me, and He loves me just the same. The heart of worship is authentic. We can imitate worship when we're in a group by doing what everyone else does - sing, clap, raise our hands. But our heart, when it is moved on a moment-by-moment basis to worship the King, when it's ALL for Him and for no one else...well that is being exactly who I claim to be -a child of the most high God.
So am I authentic? Yes. Do I struggle every day? Definitely. Is it worth it? Oh Yes.
