Resurrected

It's time. Not because the clock says so, but because my spirit is want to speak. So it's time to resurrect this blog and speak, without much edit, what is on my heart and in my mind. Perhaps no one will ever read these words, but I'm writing for an audience of One anyway. Prayer journal. Heart lament. Lately, I've used my Facebook status to sometimes express what is going on inside...but the canvas is too small, too limited. And after all, the audience I seek is everywhere, not just there.

Most mornings I sit looking outside my windows into the "back back" as we call it...because it's the area behind the back yard. Long story, and not for this writing. From this vantage point, I can see every season unfold and die. I can see an expanse that is topped with sky, but I don't see the ground. And I've just been pondering what life would be like if I viewed it this way...seeing from a different point of view...top down. When I look only at the ground, I run into things, I miss things, and I become short sighted. But if I look up, I might trip or misstep. Is it so important for me to make sure I don't fall, that I miss something beautiful? Something spectacular? Something life changing?

Perhaps all this time of looking down and trying to control my steps has just caused me to resist change, resist embracing what is actually WAITING for me. I once stated that if I was high above the trees looking down, there would be so much more than me to see. The bird trying to eat the worm doesn't see the beautiful day God has painted for it to fly about in so freely. It doesn't realize there are so many worms that it can take time to enjoy the sky.

Identity. What defines me? What defines you? As we go through life and things change, kids grow up, parents pass, jobs come and go...what is at the core of who I am? Well, the harsh truth is that for me and so many others, all the things that constantly change around us are defining who we are. We are not being defined by the One who never changes. We say we are. But we are not. Instead, we are like "shifting sand"...going where the wind blows us.

Who am I created to be? As I'm preparing to turn 49 this is a question heavy on my heart. I have a lot of life left, and I want to live it fully without regrets. I want to be free from fear, willing to step into the places God has prepared for me in advance. I don't think I'll get there if I'm just looking at the ground, managing my steps. My gaze needs to shift and I need to walk by faith, not really knowing exactly where my foot will step next.

I need to leave some things behind. I need to close some doors. I need to walk into some open doors into places that I can't yet fully see. I need to trust the One who raised Jesus from the grave to resurrect this body, mind and spirit into an awakening of destiny.